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    Blakes Hotel

    Chelsea is back and it’s all thanks to Blakes Hotel. The newly refurbished dining room is the new place to be along with the underground (literally) bar that you would never know was there unless someone told you. You’re welcome.

    The art deco look is all part of the hotel’s boutique feel. It’s dark, sexy and there’s even a room you can stay in that Mickey Rourke trashed and Blakes has preserved so you can feel like a Hollywood insider. Downstairs is exclusive but not up themselves, they don’t do lines and chatter is spreading. This is the new Chiltern.

    Armed with a great atmosphere and an amazing menu, Blakes restaurant is a Mediterranean inspired party in your mouth. We went with a pregnant friend of ours and they were totally accommodating. The staff are attentive and so confident in the dishes they recommend that our waiter offered to pay for my meal if I didn’t like it.

    We started off with a complimentary artichoke dish with truffle mayo that was incredible. I’ve had artichoke once before and I thought I hated it. Turns out, I just hadn’t had it done right.

    We shared several starters because it was difficult to choose just one. The burrata was fresh and served with a variety of tomatoes.

    However, my favorite bite of the night had to be the truffle ravioli. Simple, yet so delicious. Screw summer, truffle season is my favorite time of the year.

    I chose the main recommended by our waiter because he was so confident and declared it was the best thing on the menu (plus, as I said before, it was free if I didn’t like it). The Charcoal Grilled Pulma Belltoa Iberico, which is a fancy way of saying it’s a great pork steak, came with a generous side of kale and pardon peppers. Tender and filling, it was the second best thing I had after the truffle pasta, because, truffle.

    The rest of my party were all equally pleased with their selections which included the Lobster Paccheri Pasta and the Sole.

    I will tell you where this is on one condition, do not clog up all their reservations – and you will need one. They don’t do clipboards so don’t show up unless you book ahead or you’ll be disappointed. This is my new local and I don’t want to have to wait to get a table.


    33 Roland Gardens


    SW7 3PF

    What to wear: Giltteratti is everywhere, so dress accordingly if you want to fit in.

    Who you’ll see: A celeb nobody is paying attention to because everyone there is chill.


    Blakes Restaurant - Blakes Hotel Menu, Reviews, Photos, Location and Info - Zomato


    Dirty Bones

    Dirty Bones is f&*king glorious. Let me add a small caveat to that statement: I was (conservative estimate) 8 drinks in by the time I got there.
    I hope when I die my heaven is dirty bones except that I don’t get morbidly obese from eating it every day for every meal. But if I’m honest I hope heaven is also me giving like, -7 f&*ks about what I look like.

    We were there for a private party in the back and my (genius) friend decided to have it 90s themed.  My husband beat me to the ordering but started strong with chicken wings and the Dirty Dog.  I don’t like to eat meat off bones because it makes me feel like a cave man, but considering how fast they went, I’m sure the wings were delicious.  The hot dog… well, it’s going into my top 5. There were crispy shallots and two different kinds of pork.  TWO. Crispy bacon, which is the only way to have it, and pulled pork.

    We were still hungry so I went big and ordered the Yankee Dog, the Mac Daddy and the Dirty Fries, because you know what? I don’t go half way down a rabbit hole.

    The Mac Daddy has mac and cheese on it (enough said) and I almost bit my husband’s finger off for the last bite of the Yankee Dog.  Like I said before, this place is f&*king glorious. I gained at least 12 lbs eating here but cool with it because IT WAS DECLICIOUS.

    I also had more drinks. This is an actual conversation with the bartender:
    Me: 70% of me wants to order an interesting cocktail from you but the other 30% of me is a skinny bitch and wants a vodka soda.
    Bartender:  I like the 30% of you.
    Bringing me food in the state I was in was like feeding a pack of hungry dogs. The staff were really nice and super accommodating. As soon as I lose the weight I put on, I’m going back to start this vicious cycle again.
    Dirty Bones (Kensington)
    20 Kensington Church Street, London, W8 4EP

    Dirty Bones Menu, Reviews, Photos, Location and Info - Zomato


    The Good Life Eatery

    First off, it should be called the F%$king Great Life Eatery because that’s how good the eggs benedict is.  I went to meet my friend right before my wedding for a catch up breakfast and my only requirement was healthy. In my world, healthy is any food that doesn’t contain cookies or cake, so our options were pretty open.  I’d been dying to go to The Good Life Eatery for a while but heard there were lines and I couldn’t be bothered to fight a yummy mummy after her yoga class with an insatiable need to get her chia seed on. 

    It was raining, elbows were thrown but eventually I got somewhere near the front of the line and ordered their skinny royale. If I’m honest I expected it to taste like cardboard because that’s how most health food tastes to me. I picked the real bread (gluten free is code word for filled with plastic and shit I can’t pronounce) and we sat at the counter near the doorway, which my friend was passively aggressively guarding with her life.
    Imagine my surprise when this plate of deliciousness showed up.
    I don’t know what’s skinny about it because this was probably one of the best eggs benedict/royale I have ever had in my entire life.  If it will put less junk in my trunk I vote we permanently change the standard recipe to this (eggs, smoked salmon, yogurt and saffron sauce mmmmmmm).
    Although they have a vast selection, I didn’t have a smoothie. I’m just not into avocado, vanilla and almond milk mixed together. I’d like to keep my yummy benedict down thankyouverymuch.

    Then I went back a few weeks later with another set of girl friends for our first (of hopefully many) breakfast club at noon (One of us had yoga.  It obviously wasn’t me). Imagine my horror when I was told that they don’t serve eggs after 11:30am because eggs aren’t for the afternoon.  Whoever decided this is missing out on LIFE. Anyway, after the shock wore off I ordered their chicken club which was also delicious, but not to the epic level their royale was.

    I was also hung-over as f%$k so I asked the staff if they had anything that would cure it and they pointed me in the direction of a delicious juice called Melrose sunset. The food arrived promptly and we chatted as a weirdo sat at the spare seat at our table and devoured a huge and incredible looking piece of red velvet cake.

    I highly recommend The Goof Life Eatery but politely request that you contact me before you go so you can save me a place in line.
    The Good Life Eatery
    59 Sloane Avenue
    London SW3 3DH UK

    The Good Life Eatery Menu, Reviews, Photos, Location and Info - Zomato

    Bodo’s Schloss: Apres Ski Without The Dislocated Shoulder

    So I finally made it inside Bodo’s Scholss! I was pretty excited when I heard about this place because I heart me some apres ski, and I have dislocated my shoulder snowboarding in Kitzbühel, which makes the apres part not so fun.

    I tried to get into Bodo’s Schloss before Christmas, but mistakenly went at 1:30am only to witness a girl being carried out by security sans shoes screaming about being from Essex. Kinda strange when you are in Kensington. Either way, they closed the doors and I clearly wasn’t drunk enough to be there.

    Take 2, my boyfriend and his friends book a civilized dinner table for 5 and I invite my hot Swedish friend Malin. She fits right in there BTW, most of the girls that work there are pretty and blonde. Anyway, we ordered a pretzel as a starter, and this teeny tiny pretzel shows up for all of us to share. If anyone actually wants a piece, you might want to order a few. As far as pretzels go, it was alright but that’s probably an unfair assessment. I have pretty high pretzel standards as demonstrated by the best pretzel I’ve ever had, which was fresh out of the oven on a random lake in Austria. It was so good I battled aggressive swans and wasps to finish it.

    Worth it, picture to prove it.

    Anyway back to Bodo’s and it’s apres ski feel. It’s pretty cool because you can go dressed like this:

    Or like a regular person in a Chelsea club. But if you wear some type of ski-like clothing/mountain wear/lederhosen, you get into the club without cover, so I would recommend that if you aren’t going for dinner. Personally, I wore my Edmonton Oilers hockey jersey and the next day the NHL and players reached an agreement to end the lockout. Just saying maybe people should send me thank you notes/chocolate/bacon.

    I ordered the chicken Schloss Wiener Schnitzel, however I was told this is sacrilegious by the German guy we were with. Apparently it should really only be Veal or Pork. Mine was pretty tasty though and not a bad price at £13.50. They are also huge, more than enough for two girls to share, if you’re into that kind of thing.

    My Wiener

    Bodos is owned by the same peeps that do Mahiki and Whisky Mist, so the music is decent (the DJ booth is a gondola!) and at least the people know how to run a club. Although, based on what I saw outside the first time I was there, they should be a little more selective at the door. They also need to sort the air con if they expect anyone to show up in the summer because it was pretty warm in there and they encourage ski wear. That can lead to some pretty bad smells/looks.

    For more info and to book a table, this is their website:

    I highly recommend a go. It’s not a gourmet restaurant by any stretch of the imagination, but it’s a fun night out but probably best to have dinner there first, you know to line your stomach for the shot-skis.

    Bodo's Schloss on Urbanspoon Bodo's Schloss on Urbanspoon