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    Blakes Hotel

    Chelsea is back and it’s all thanks to Blakes Hotel. The newly refurbished dining room is the new place to be along with the underground (literally) bar that you would never know was there unless someone told you. You’re welcome.

    The art deco look is all part of the hotel’s boutique feel. It’s dark, sexy and there’s even a room you can stay in that Mickey Rourke trashed and Blakes has preserved so you can feel like a Hollywood insider. Downstairs is exclusive but not up themselves, they don’t do lines and chatter is spreading. This is the new Chiltern.

    Armed with a great atmosphere and an amazing menu, Blakes restaurant is a Mediterranean inspired party in your mouth. We went with a pregnant friend of ours and they were totally accommodating. The staff are attentive and so confident in the dishes they recommend that our waiter offered to pay for my meal if I didn’t like it.

    We started off with a complimentary artichoke dish with truffle mayo that was incredible. I’ve had artichoke once before and I thought I hated it. Turns out, I just hadn’t had it done right.

    We shared several starters because it was difficult to choose just one. The burrata was fresh and served with a variety of tomatoes.

    However, my favorite bite of the night had to be the truffle ravioli. Simple, yet so delicious. Screw summer, truffle season is my favorite time of the year.

    I chose the main recommended by our waiter because he was so confident and declared it was the best thing on the menu (plus, as I said before, it was free if I didn’t like it). The Charcoal Grilled Pulma Belltoa Iberico, which is a fancy way of saying it’s a great pork steak, came with a generous side of kale and pardon peppers. Tender and filling, it was the second best thing I had after the truffle pasta, because, truffle.

    The rest of my party were all equally pleased with their selections which included the Lobster Paccheri Pasta and the Sole.

    I will tell you where this is on one condition, do not clog up all their reservations – and you will need one. They don’t do clipboards so don’t show up unless you book ahead or you’ll be disappointed. This is my new local and I don’t want to have to wait to get a table.


    33 Roland Gardens


    SW7 3PF

    What to wear: Giltteratti is everywhere, so dress accordingly if you want to fit in.

    Who you’ll see: A celeb nobody is paying attention to because everyone there is chill.


    Blakes Restaurant - Blakes Hotel Menu, Reviews, Photos, Location and Info - Zomato

    Food, Unsolicited Advice

    Everything You Could Ever Want to Know About Sake

    Guys, I’m obsessed with Japan (if you didn’t know that you can read about it here and here) so, WSET (Wine & Spirit Educational Trust) invited me to do their Sake level 1 course, but I’m an idiot and got the day mixed up. I’m so upset. I was so excited to learn about this (gluten free bitches!) Japanese Rice Wine.

    When I went to Japan, you could get sake in a can like you can get beer in London. It was so so incredible. While I wasn’t able to do that actual course, WSET was kind enough to show me the course materials and I learned soooooo much in such a short time:

    1. Sake is impossible to make without a special mold called Koji. They let the mold coat a portion of steamed white rice and then add the mold to water and yeast. The mold turns starch to sugar and the yeast eats the sugar and farts out co2. Then boom! Alcohol! Yeast is the answer to all alcohol. Without it, wine, beer, and other wobbly pops would just be different varieties of rotten food.
    2. Koji is a science. Do not try and grow your own on some old take away and brew your own sake. It will probably kill you.
    3. There are different kinds of premium Sake. The variations have to do with how much the rice is polished before it’s steamed and that is regulated by Japanese law. The best is 50% or less polishing ratio and called junmai daiginjo.

    Sake should be consumed young. YOLO peeps, drink the dranks while they’re fresh. A special occasion is that you woke up today literate enough to read this blog and have enough money to own a device you can read it on. That’s better off than most of the planet. Celebrate!

    But, if you have adult responsibilities (Sake is typically 15-17% alcohol) and can’t down a whole bottle on a whim, Sake will keep in your fridge for about a week. For reference, drinking bottle after bottle of sake in Tokyo will cause you to have a phone full of pictures like this in the morning:


    Store it upright and away from light (side note: olive oil is also damaged by light and should be optimally stored in cans).

    So, if you’re serious about sake, you can take the next WSET course in March (which I will hopefully get my shit together and go to) or if you want to fancy yourself a connoisseur of any other tipple, check out their course offerings:

    Two places I recommend in London to have some sake and sushi:


    Sexy Fish


    Crazy Homies

    Crazy Homies has the best nachos in London. While other establishments try to pass off nacho flavoured Doritos covered in half melted cheese as the real deal, Crazy Homies actually makes their tortilla chips by hand, daily. I’ve been several times before, but I recently went on Cinco de Mayo, which I think is some kind of Mexican holiday celebrating them getting rid of the French. I use it as an excuse to eat an uncomfortable amount of nachos and tacos washed down with at least three too many margaritas.

    The first Thursday of every month at Crazy Homies is special. DJ Wheelie Bags comes in and spins classics such as La Bamba, Tequila and Ring Of Fire, whilst handing out awesome prizes.

    I got this spiderman and after two trips down the wall he looked like this. Things escalate quickly when tequila is involved.

    This Thursday was particularly special because it fell on Cinco De Mayo. A perfect storm that required the perfect outfit, which meant I had to get this skirt from Zara when I saw it that day. It was a sign! Unfortunately, as I left the house to meet friends, the zipper burst open. Some might see that as a sign to maybe NOT to eat my weight in tacos, but I just pinned that sucker up and exchanged it for a new one on my way to the restaurant. I’m no quitter.

    There are several reasons why I’m not a model, but this photo is illustrative of the main reason. It’s really hard for me to look like a normal human being if I know there is a camera nearby.

    We were a large group of seven crammed into a table that was probably meant for two, but that didn’t matter. Crazy Homies is not a white linen tablecloth kind of place. It feels dive-y, in the best way possible. If you want space, relative quiet and adequate lighting but zero vibe, go to Wahaca. Crazy Homies if for the purists. The whole place makes you feel like you smoked some pot before you came, again, in the best possible way.

    I recommend starting off with the fresh tortilla chips and sauces, AKA Totopos. The guacamole is great, but they don’t give you enough (really, you can never have enough guac) and the salsas range from mild to burn off your uvula. Get your mind out of the gutter, your uvula isn’t where you think it is. Helpful hint: watch out for the stuff that resembles BBQ sauce unless you’re a masochist.

    There are eight options for margaritas on the menu, but I’m sure if you had a concoction in mind, they’d make it for you. I had 5 anejo margs and was hung-over AF the next day. Choose your poison carefully because these things are delish.

    Because we were such a big group, we just blanket ordered the pulled pork nachos, chicken quesadillas and then every taco they had

    Eat the nachos as soon as they come. Because everything is fresh, the juices can make the tortilla chips soggy if you wait too long.

    The Mahi Mahi fish taco.

    Tacos come with two options, tacos (soft tortilla) or toastadas fried tortilla. Hard shells are my favourite but the Crazy Homies ones are fried flat which makes eating them a massive pain. Soft are the style du jour and the norm in the US as well.

    The shrimp and the chicken tacos were my favourite. The added mango on the shrimp taco make it taste light and really fresh.Crazy Homies is the closest to American style Mexican food you can get in London. Embrace the cramped quarters and quirky atmosphere, add a few margaritas and you will have a fantastic time.

    What to wear: Something you don’t mind spilling guacamole on and wear your hair down for an opportunity to wear one of the many sombreros floating around.

    Crazy Homies

    125 Westbourne Park Road

    Notting Hill, London

    W2 5QL

    020 7727 6771


    Crazy Homies Menu, Reviews, Photos, Location and Info - Zomato

    Square Meal



    Pizza is one of my favourite foods. I love it so much, that it’s what I demanded for my birthday meal last year. So, when I was invited to try out the new London pizza joint, PizzaBuzz, I was both excited and nervous. As a blogger, you always want to love the place you’re going to eat for free, but as a pizza lover, I know I’m an unforgiving b*&ch (case in point: my post on Pizza East can be seen here).

    I was very pleasantly surprised! PizzaBuzz is a millennial focused pizza brand. With their pop art walls and emphasis on the individual, it was honestly a restaurant experience like none other. The most impressive part for me was that they have simplified the ordering process. Ever get annoyed when you’re at a restaurant and they don’t come take your order for ages, or not there when you want another drink and even worse, never bring you the bill? They have an app for that. Along with a delivery option on most food service apps like Deliveroo and Jinn, they also have Flypay, an app that can bring your food right to the table without having to flag someone down.
    They are also the solution to that annoying friend you can’t go anywhere with because they are everything-intolerant. You get to make your own pizza anyway you want, including gluten free bread and you don’t have to suffer through listening to them complain that there’s nothing for them on the menu.

    The hubs and I walked in and grabbed a table with the other bloggers and then went up to create our masterpieces. I was so glad he came with me because I really couldn’t decide what I wanted and one of the best things about getting married is sharing food. I ordered the verde base (pine nut basil pesto, mozzarella and Parmesan), while the hubs had plain old margherita.


    Next it was toppings. Oh the toppings! You have to be careful, because although the pizzas start at a very reasonable £4.25, if you add absolutely everything (like I tried to), it can add up. I added ham, pancetta, pepperoni (yes, basically every kind of pork they had), pecorino, chestnut mushrooms and olives. But even with all of that added, my pizza only came to £14.40. To put it in perspective, I tried to build the same pizza at Domnios (small size) and it was over £20 and they didn’t even have pecorino. Hubs added chicken, veal meatballs, goats cheese, green peppers, chestnut mushrooms, red onion and courgette.

    They were both delicious! And actually fairly large. I took a third of mine home and had it the next day. There wasn’t too much sauce (my pet peeve) and because you see them make the pizza, you can ask for as little or as much as you want. It’s also ready insanely quickly because they have some kind of magic oven that can cook the pizza in 90 seconds. Yes that’s right. They can cook a pizza quicker than my microwave can do popcorn.


    If you aren’t into pizza, we can’t be friends but you can still eat at PizzaBuzz. They have salads and some delicious burrata. If you’re on a diet and can’t stomach eating like a rabbit, PizzaBuzz also has a 500 calorie pizza offering which isn’t just cutting the center out of a regular pizza (rolling my eyes in your direction Pizza Express). There’s almost too much to even add in this blog. Love ice cream? They have their own brand that includes almond milk, goats milk and regular old cows milk. I had the goats milk mint chocolate chip, which was surprisingly delish.

    My only suggestion to PizzaBuzz would be to add some dipping sauces. In America they have ranch dressing to dip pizza into and although may seem weird at first, it’s magical. Add that and along with the bottomless booze offer for £29.95 – yes, that is a thing and it includes bubbles – and you have a great casual night out.


    Alphabeta Building

    2b Worship Street


    EC2A 2AH
    PizzaBuzz Menu, Reviews, Photos, Location and Info - Zomato

    Square Meal


    The Builders Arms 

    The Builders Arms pub is a *potential* hidden gem on a small street near Kings Road but at the moment is a bit of a diamond in the rough. Just past the boisterous Sydney Arms (great to watch a game, but gets very packed) you can have a more civilized Sunday roast in a place that has an actual ‘press for champagne’ button – however, nobody ever comes.

    I’d been many times before, but this particular time, I didn’t inhale my food immediately and remembered to take pictures. Although, I have to say I was pleasantly surprised by the addition of live music.

    One thing is for sure, you will never want for food at this pub. The Sunday roas was HUGE. Far more than a human woman could possibly eat. So, go hungry!

    I had the burger and was very impressed with the fact that I managed to eat the whole thing, bun included without it looking like a five year old ate where I was sitting. It was very tasty as well.

    The one hiccup in the food quality were the carrots. We ordered a side portion and nobody ate them because, well, look. They are sad and bruised.

    I highly recommend the dessert. I normally skip it at pubs because the offer is almost always boring and/or sticky toffee pudding. We had the apple and rhubarb crumble which was easily big enough for the whole table and the cornflake ice cream which was essentially breakfast but in the best possible way.

    The service could use some work, though. I repeatedly had to flag someone down and at no point did anyone come and check on us.   As long as you’re not in a rush and waiting ages for things like your drinks and bill doesn’t bother you, the food is quite good.

    I also think the pub might need some training on learning when someone has had too much and shouldn’t be served. We left the bar and there was a man slumped over on one of the tables outside with a full beer. We managed to wake him up, but he clearly had too much to drink and shouldn’t have been served that last pint. And, as you can see, the service was such that nobody noticed him outside.


    The Builders Arms

    13 Britten Street


    SW3 3TY



    The Builders Arms Menu, Reviews, Photos, Location and Info - Zomato

    Square Meal



    First off NAC, love you long time but can we just talk about the cocktails? I ordered the Popcorn Sazerac and it tasted like popcorn, like vodka tastes like mashed potatoes. I was also so distracted by the word popcorn that I ordered it without reading the entire list of ingredients. For future reference, a ‘dash of absinthe’ is enough to have you at a nightclub 3 hours later describing the women as Instagram models and the men as Gollum.

    Anyway, I was surprised hadn’t heard of NAC – or North Audley Cantine- before my friend Michelle decided to have her birthday dinner there. They apparently have a speak easy downstairs, although when I went to the bathroom all I found was an empty popcorn maker. The restaurant has a scene-y atmosphere and decent food; perfect for a party.

    The only main we ordered: grilled cajun chicken,

    We ordered several small plates to share because we were a bunch of girls wearing tight dresses. Full disclosure? I was really hungry when I got home and crushed the hubs leftover Thai. My favourite dish on the menu was probably the crispy squid. I really wanted the burrata but they had run out. Mayjah sad face.


    Crispy squid (and yes, that’s how much aioli it comes with).


    I also really liked the truffle mac and cheese (obvi), but there wasn’t actually any mac. i.e macaroni. The pasta they used was Mezze Maniche Rigate (ya, I had to look that up) and it was far too big for the small pot the mac and cheese came in. There was probably 4 or 5 pieces of pasta in the whole thing, which is a pain in the balls to split between girls.  Four bites of truffle mac and cheese IS NEVER ENOUGH.


    Truffle and cheese with a tiny bit of pasta.

    The other fan favourite amongst the group was the torched cauliflower. Cauliflower is the new everything right now: cauliflower rice, cauliflower pizza crust and my friend Michelle told me that restaurants in New York are now serving cauliflower steak for vegans. What we had was super tasty, but I would have liked some kind of sauce to go with it.

    Brains… I mean cauliflower.

    The tuna was also fantastic and I would recommend it as a main meal if you aren’t that hungry, as it comes with avocado and quinoa. That’s what I actually wanted my meal to be, start with the burrata and the tuna as my main. But, alas, it wasn’t meant to be. I know , I know. I need to get over it. Cheese shouldn’t control my life this way…. But it does.

    Said tuna.

    What to wear: I was dressed like a classy late 90s call girl in honour of the late, great Prince. But you can dress like a normal person if you want.


    41 North Audley Street



    W1K 6ZP


    NAC Menu, Reviews, Photos, Location and Info - Zomato

    Square Meal

    Food, Unsolicited Advice

    7 Things You Need to Know Before Going To A Fancy Restaurant

    I grew up in a (relatively) small place where a fancy restaurant was The Olive Garden.  Now that I live in a big town (London) there have been a few times where I went to a fancy restaurant and had no idea how to behave myself.  This blog is to help you, dear reader, learn from (or live vicariously through) my mistakes.



    A sommelier is someone who picks out wine for you, not a derogatory term for someone from Somalia.  They usually come with a pin on their lapel that kind of looks like a grape.  This little tidbit was learned when dining at Chez Bruce (Michelin starred, I’ll explain that later) and my date offered to summon the ‘sommelier’ because I was having trouble with picking my starter, never mind the wine.  I accused him of being racist.  And then a random old French guy showed up and they started talking about dirt.  Lesson learned. 

    Michelin Stars
    When I first heard someone bragging that they’d gone to a three Michelin star restaurant as if Jimmy Choo had personally designed a shoe for them, I laughed audibly.  3 stars?  I knew of hot dog vendors in Piccadilly Circus that had a better rating than that.  But then it was made clear to me that it was something extra, like a gold star. Which, by the way, would be a much more accurate description to denote excellence.  Naming it after a tire company?  Not so much.  Anyway, 3 stars is as fancy as you get and there are only a handful in major cities.  1 star is much more common but still super fancy.  And, funny enough, you wont see the Michelin man on any menu in a Michelin starred restaurant.  There probably won’t even be prices on the menu for that matter. Just a bunch of things described as ‘pan seared’ (where else would you do it) and ‘corn fed’ (TMI).  


    Which brings me to my next point.  This meal will probably cost more than your rent or mortgage (if you’re a grown up).  Most of the fancy restaurants I’ve been in have separate menus for women that don’t have the prices on them.  It’s probably sexist or something, but lets be honest, if I knew I was scarfing down an appetizer that was more expensive than the shoes I was wearing, I would probably so nervous I’d pee myself. 
    Whatever you do, don’t order the Foie Gras, its obese bird liver and tastes like raw bacon.  Everything else will come looking funny.  I once had a meal come in the same plastic as a flower arrangement and then when they opened it the room was filled with smoke.  My boyfriend reassured me this was on purpose.  In my next blog I will be sharing my experience at a 3-starred restaurant in San Sebastian.  I got something that looked like a beach.  Be wary of prawn/shrimp etc. It will come as t did out of the ocean, and in real life prawns aren’t just those cute pink things you dip in cocktail sauce, they are the cockroaches of the sea and have, like, a million legs, antennae and beady eyes.  Consider yourself warned.  
    There is a lot of it and it will seem dented and chewed up, but that’s because it’s real silver and the way they look at it, the older the better.  You don’t need to save any cutlery for the next course; they bring you a new set every time.  But, cutlery is the best way to signal in a restaurant.  The way to tell them you are done with your meal is to put your cutlery together across the left side of the plate.  The only thing you really need to know is that the thing that looks like a spatula is for fish. 
    Don’t worry about the amount of food, no matter what, you will have too much.  I had a dinner in the middle of nowhere, France at a 3 starred restaurant and literally ate for 4 hours.  Like, actually put stuff in my mouth and chewed for 240 minutes.  I was STUFFED. Then we had a one-hour break and went to a 1 starred restaurant and ate for a further 4 hours.  But it’s not that you order lots.  Usually they have the option of a ‘tasting menu’ which means the chef decides.  There is usually lots of courses.  But even when you do a la carte (fancy French for picking what you want) you will still get these little surprises in between what you actually ordered.  Don’t worry, they’re free. 
    Dress Code
    Most people in there will be wearing obscure and expensive designers you’ve never heard of.  I just try to go in wearing clean clothes and come out in generally the same condition.  And if you have it, bring a nice bag.