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Dinner

Food

The Portman

November 13, 2015

I love free food, so when The Portman invited me to have dinner (partially) on them, I was like, ummm, yes please! The Portman is a gastro pub situated on top of a real pub near Marble Arch. I wasn’t sure I was at the right place at first because downstairs kind of feels like an old man’s pub. However, as I had a drink downstairs and waited for my other half, their hits of 2010 playlist was on fleek! Don’t let the exterior fool you!

Upstairs is fairly newly renovated (although the ladies toilet could use a little work) and the banquette was really comfortable. Seems like a place you would go with colleagues after work, as the hubs and I were the only couple there. Playlist moved to 80s slow jams and it was awesome.

It was really hard to choose what to eat. I was leaning towards the crispy squid but my love of soups got the better of me and I had the broccoli and Stilton soup of the day. It was so good! Not too blue cheesy and the croutons were covered in garlic butter. It was a tad too hot though, so by the time I was able to eat the croutons, they were a little soggy. Still delicious. My husband had the ravioli that was fresh, al dente and tasty. I liked that they allowed you to chose if you wanted to have the sauce and how much.

For our mains I went with good old steak. It was an OK cut of meat but cooked and seasoned very well. I was super excited about their ‘stealth’ fries, which were apparently double cooked with the skin on. The real thing was slightly disappointing (but I did have pretty high hopes). The fries weren’t that crispy. Don’t get me wrong, I still ate them all, but maybe they need to be triple cooked? My steak also came with a salad but I don’t think there was any dressing, so after a few bites of dry leaves I stopped. Plus, I already got my five a day in the soup.

We obviously had dessert and I inhaled the Ferrero Rocher cheesecake. I had to curb my inkling to devour their entire cheese selection because I already had the cheese soup. People who bake cheesecakes are like people who put raisins in cookies (insert rolling eyes emoticon here). Thankfully this one wasn’t! It was really good, a tad rich and, in my opinion, emphasized the worst part of a Ferrero Rocher: The nuts… which actually isn’t that bad.

Overall we had a really good time, the staff were very friendly. They also had a great wine list. I would probably go back if I was in the area doing some shopping. I will say it was a bit expensive for a gastro pub. That being said, we did drink a lot, so that was a big chunk of it.

The Portman

51 Upper Berkeley Street, W1H 7QW

0207 723 8996

www.theportmanmarylebone.com

Food

The Cinnamon Club

November 11, 2015

Stephanie

The Cinnamon Club was massively disappointing. Highlights included paying £30/person for Butter Chicken, made with anorexic chicken legs and completely forgetting to bring out one of our mains. But lets start at the beginning…

My husband had chosen to go there to celebrate his birthday and I was looking forward to it. I’m not actually a huge fan of Indian food, but he introduced me to our local Noor Jahan, which has amazing butter chicken, so when he wanted to go to The Cinnamon Club, I was excited.

I arrived, told the reception it was my husband’s birthday and sat in the bar area which was overly lit with florescent lights. I was told I was the first in our party to arrive and after I ordered my Cosmo (there are no vodka based cocktails on their menu) I waited ages. Turns out my mother in law had in fact arrived before me and was waiting at the table. She eventually found me along with my husband and my drink still hadn’t arrived.

We moved into the dining room which has better lighting and looks like a library. We brought our drinks (which by then had thankfully shown up, and were very good) to the table and I discreetly told the waitress it was my husband’s birthday and we would like some kind of cake with candles at the end.

(Sorry for the mid bite pic! I was so hungry!)

Our starters came out quickly. I had the crisp spinach, which was like spinach tempura and potato chips. It wasn’t the best choice. My husband had the lamb escalope which was the best out of everything we ordered and my MIL had the lobster which was also fairly tasty.

Then came the disaster of a main course. I was really looking forward to this expensive butter chicken. There was gold leaf on the potato balls, and I think that’s where the cost came from, because they certainly didn’t splurge for actual chicken, just the leftover spindly legs. There was no meat on them. So I filled up on rice and naan. I had also ordered the roast cauliflower. That never showed up and we were so disappointed with the chicken, we decided not to bother asking for it.

The banana tarte I had for dessert was okay. What wasn’t okay was when my MIL went to the bathroom and the waitress came out and asked us when we would like the cake and candle for her birthday… in front of my husband. Face palm. I told her of the faux pas and she brought it out anyway for him, quite anticlimactically.

Bit sad, isn’t it? Dessert isn’t supposed to be sad.

If you want to risk it (and bring a wad of cash):

The Cinnamon Club

The Old Westminster Library

30-32 Great Smith Street

London

SW1P 3BU

www.cinnamonclub.com

Food

Roka Canary Wharf

November 4, 2015

Stephanie

2 Comments

First off, I’d like to apologize once again to the woman at Roka Canary Wharf sitting two tables down from me for hitting her in the head with my chopstick. I have no idea how said chopstick went from being in my hand to in your hair, but it happened. Thank you to the gentlemen at the table next to me for attempting to take the blame, when we all know it was me who clearly can’t behave in a fancy restaurant. Also, thank you to physics, the real reason hilarious stuff happens.

Anyway, onto the review. I’d been to Roka’s Charlotte Street location several years ago and remember being freezing cold the whole time. My experience in Roka Canary Wharf was much better than that. Our waitress Martyna was very very good. Our cocktails took a bit longer than expected and you could tell she was angrier about it than we were. When they did arrive, they were delicious! Rome wasn’t built in a day and my cocktail took 20 minutes. Both were worth the wait. I had the raspberry passion and it tasted like raspberry juice that gets you drunk. Like I said, worth it.

We had the premium tasting menu and the wine pairings to go with it. I couldn’t pronounce 90% of the menu, but it was all delicious. The best dish on the menu was the first thing we had, the yellowtail sashimi because it had a truffle dressing. The premium sashimi selection was good, but I did find the tuna to be a little fishy.

As usual, I really liked the spicy tuna roll, which is my favorite kind of sushi. I hate when restaurants cover perfectly good sushi with cayenne pepper and just call it spicy. Roka’s spicy tuna didn’t do that and was very mild but oddly (in a good way) geometric.

By the time we got to the black cod and scallop skewers, I was pretty full. The scallops were good, but I think Hakkasan has a better black cod.

The desert boat was huge! My favorites were the orange sorbet and the chocolate green tea fondant although, full disclosure, I just ate the outside chocolate cake part.

Overall, the meal was delicious, but obviously quite pricy. But that’s not really a surprise in Roka. Insider tip: getting there or home on a weeknight can be a nightmare. I was coming from west London and it wasn’t too bad, but there were massive queues to get into Canary Wharf tube station. This time it was because of the DLR strike, but apparently it’s usually quite bad. Things calmed down around nine. So prepare to stay for the long haul.

Roka

Canary Wharf

+44 (0) 20 7636 5228

http://www.rokarestaurant.com

(Warning: their website has a loud and annoying video that plays on the landing page)

Food

Goat

November 2, 2015

Stephanie

Goat has a special place in my heart because it’s where I met my husband. Back then, however it was a dive-y pub called The Goat and Boots. Goat, as it stands now was refurbished a few years ago and has become a neighborhood favorite.

It was a lazy Saturday when we went ad Chelsea was playing. Goat was one of the few places not full of rowdy blue jerseys so we went to have a bite. I’ve eaten there several times before and my favorite thing on the menu for a light bite is the black quinoa salad. The portion size is actually quite decent for the starter, which means I usually pair it with something less healthy, like the truffle mac and cheese.

The mac and cheese, however, is a fairly small portion. We were a fairly large group drinking and eating so we shared everything and this didn’t go very far. So we added the antipasti platter and calamari.

Antipasti was really good, particularly the fried artichokes. The calamari was very small and came with legs, which I hate, although the fried courgette was a nice touch.

One of the great things about Goat is the secret speakeasy. I’ve been there for drinks on several occasions and because the space is fairly small, it’s perfect for intimate private parties. However, ladies beware. They place candles in very dangerous places and my friend’s hair started on fire as she stood near a shelf that had a poorly placed candle at head height. When we spoke to the manager about it, he didn’t seem to think having a candle there was a big deal because it had only happened twice before. Listen, if a girl sets her hair on fire once because you have a candle burning in a bad spot, that’s one time too many. Sort it out.

Great for: quick bite and then head upstairs. It’s one of the only pubs in the area still open until 1.

Watch out for: Candles and drunk Chelsea supporters on the street.

Goat

333 Fulham Road, SW10 9QL

www.goatchelsea.com

020 7352 1384

Food

Lucio

October 27, 2015

Stephanie

Lucio is a Chelsea favourite among locals and celebrities. We’ve been there a few times, but this time I took pictures! The specials are always delicious and the staff extremely friendly.

One of the highlights for me are the photos that decorate the walls. Lucio is friends with Terry O’Neill and has his iconic photos all over the restaurant. Makes me feel glamorous and think of myself in that era, indulging on pasta in a bid to gain weight for bigger boobs. Ahh, those were the days.

This time around I had the pumpkin soup with ham. It was really delicious, with a hint of bacon flavor. Refreshingly for my waistline, it also didn’t have any cream.

For my main, I had the fillet steak, which was cooked to perfection. The red onions had some tang to them, which went great with the potatoes.

Now that we got the food bit over with, time to get to the real reason I wanted to go there and write a blog. They probably have the best chocolate fondant in London. I know that’s a huge statement to make, but I’ve had a lot. Like, if it’s on the menu at any restaurant, I’ll order it. And as a testament to how amazing it is at Lucio’s, my husband and I have gone here just for dessert. Like I mentioned before, the staff ate awesome. The owner and his son chat to us all the time and they made a special exception one night when I NEEDED to have some chocolate.

It’s not a cheap evening out though, so if you are looking for just straight up cheap and cheerful Italian, Riccardo’s is across the street and slightly less.

What to wear: The dress varies from cocktail to jeans. Lucio has an impressive collection of American rodeo belt buckles. Make sure you ask him about them!

Who you’ll see: Apparently celebrities frequent Lucios often. I’ve never seen one or didn’t recognize them. Fun fact: Lucio’s has a second exit, which has been used before when a man took his mistress there for dinner and his wife walked in.

Lucios

257-259 Fulham Road, London, SW7 6HY

0207 823 3007

www.luciorestaurant.com

Food

Dirty Bones

October 19, 2015

Stephanie

Dirty Bones is f&*king glorious. Let me add a small caveat to that statement: I was (conservative estimate) 8 drinks in by the time I got there.

I hope when I die my heaven is dirty bones except that I don’t get morbidly obese from eating it every day for every meal. But if I’m honest I hope heaven is also me giving like, -7 f&*ks about what I look like.

We were there for a private party in the back and my (genius) friend decided to have it 90s themed. My husband beat me to the ordering but started strong with chicken wings and the Dirty Dog. I don’t like to eat meat off bones because it makes me feel like a cave man, but considering how fast they went, I’m sure the wings were delicious. The hot dog… well, it’s going into my top 5. There were crispy shallots and two different kinds of pork. TWO. Crispy bacon, which is the only way to have it, and pulled pork.

We were still hungry so I went big and ordered the Yankee Dog, the Mac Daddy and the Dirty Fries, because you know what? I don’t go half way down a rabbit hole.

The Mac Daddy has mac and cheese on it (enough said) and I almost bit my husband’s finger off for the last bite of the Yankee Dog. Like I said before, this place is f&*king glorious. I gained at least 12 lbs eating here but cool with it because IT WAS DECLICIOUS.

I also had more drinks. This is an actual conversation with the bartender:

Me: 70% of me wants to order an interesting cocktail from you but the other 30% of me is a skinny bitch and wants a vodka soda.

Bartender: I like the 30% of you.

Bringing me food in the state I was in was like feeding a pack of hungry dogs. The staff were really nice and super accommodating. As soon as I lose the weight I put on, I’m going back to start this vicious cycle again.

Dirty Bones (Kensington)

20 Kensington Church Street, London, W8 4EP

www.dirty-bones.com

Stephanie Wahlstrom

Hey! Cute top! Flattery gets you everywhere, right? Seriously, though, I like what you've got going on over there. Anyway, my name is Stephanie and I am a Canadian writer living in London. I like to eat, travel and make people laugh. The Accidental Socialite is the name of my debut novel and this blog where you'll find tales of my mishaps and far too many references to bacon. Enjoy!